A few months some dip-shit from Indiana posted something talking shit about WMU's football team losing to IU. Out of the blue I get this message from this card carrying douchebag:
Hey Andrew- Congrats on a fantastic season- See you at a bowl game..........Oh wait your team was the bitch of your league while mine is heading to a post season so go fuck youself my friend because while you are #1 wrong about guessing how Indiana will end up in their division-and #2 you supported the wrong team once again. Soooooo. Have a happy Thanksgiving knowing that you should be thankful that I never will meet you at a bar because I never socialize the ugly rundown townie bars that you might visit because I'm of a higher class than you will ever be of. Never ever ever ever send me another message telling me to check how stupid you are because you are so stupid, ugly, and will amount to the person who collect my garbage you stupid piece of shit.... I'm glad my garbage will be handled by a loser like yourself.Have a great time knowing you were the bitch of your league,Mike MacDonald (my team still has something to play for)
MY RESPONSE:
Actually, my team is MSU.
Nevertheless, when I'm out of law school ill be glad to represent you when you get dragged into court for beating you wife.
Just because your dad did it does not make it ok.
cheers
---
Some people take stuff too seriously.... above I just wanted to type this statment again, becuase it is soooo classy:
Never ever ever ever send me another message telling me to check how stupid you are because you are so stupid, ugly, and will amount to the person who collect my garbage you stupid piece of shit.... I'm glad my garbage will be handled by a loser like yourself.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Law School Hatn'
As a good warm up to the pissing in the dishwasher story, here is a quickie.
Sitting in class, there is a certain fear about getting called on. Law school is very intimidating at times, and when your asked a question, and you have no idea what the answer is, a slight panic sets in.
This very thing happened with a person I sit next to, and for reasons not worth blessing with you with, we don't see eye to eye. Regardless, she was called on in class, and doing pretty good, I will give her that.
But then she was asked something she did not know, so I decided to help her out. I murmured the answer under my breath just loud enough for her to hear it, in which she relayed it back to the teacher, who frowned, and said no.
Naturally, I raised my hand and gave the teacher the right answer.
Lesson learned, don't believe everything you hear....
Sitting in class, there is a certain fear about getting called on. Law school is very intimidating at times, and when your asked a question, and you have no idea what the answer is, a slight panic sets in.
This very thing happened with a person I sit next to, and for reasons not worth blessing with you with, we don't see eye to eye. Regardless, she was called on in class, and doing pretty good, I will give her that.
But then she was asked something she did not know, so I decided to help her out. I murmured the answer under my breath just loud enough for her to hear it, in which she relayed it back to the teacher, who frowned, and said no.
Naturally, I raised my hand and gave the teacher the right answer.
Lesson learned, don't believe everything you hear....
Your Dishes Are Done...
Back when I lived in Kalamazoo, I did a lot of stupid stuff... well, I guess it just depends on what type of person you are. Take the following story for example...
It was a long night of boozing, and for some reason I ended up back at this girls apartment. The reason I say "for some reason" is that im 99% sure that I didn't hang out with this girl at all, the entire night.
The events leading up to it, such as where I was prior, how I got there, or even how I got home, are still a little hazy... But what I do vaguely recall, is workin' my way into her gully hole. I wouldn't call this girl a slut, but let's just say that it didnt take much time for me to get in pole position, but that is not the point of the story.
After my 3 hour clinic of having biblical relations (or a drunken, sloppy, five minutes of playing jump rope with her vagine), I paid her and left.
No seriously, after it was done, I really had to take a piss. I really, really, really, had to take a piss. Now if your a woman reading this right now, well number one, you cant respect the inability a man has when trytin' got take piss when his cock is in the towel rack position. Regardless, its hard to do, you get the picture. But of course, the girl went to the bathroom, because that's what they do after sex. So here I am, with my hand on my cock, trying to hold in one of the most epic pisses in my life.
Then it dawns on me... I can just go in the sink. Brilliant. So all I had to do is go to the kitchen and do my thing. Unfortunately, the logistics were flawed from the beginning. The counter is about level with my rod, so I had to go tippy-toe in order to get into firing position.
Talk about a feat of strengths... pissing with an erection alone is almost difficult- pissing with an erection on your tippy-toes is harder than Iron Man's erection.
So naturally the proverbial light goes off above my head, and I look down at the dishwasher. This was almost more convenient than a urinal. I opened the door, and let loose. By the time I heard her flush I was just about done... I closed the door and I was on my way. Maybe I should have set the dial to regular wash, since I already did the pre-wash cycle.....
It was a long night of boozing, and for some reason I ended up back at this girls apartment. The reason I say "for some reason" is that im 99% sure that I didn't hang out with this girl at all, the entire night.
The events leading up to it, such as where I was prior, how I got there, or even how I got home, are still a little hazy... But what I do vaguely recall, is workin' my way into her gully hole. I wouldn't call this girl a slut, but let's just say that it didnt take much time for me to get in pole position, but that is not the point of the story.
After my 3 hour clinic of having biblical relations (or a drunken, sloppy, five minutes of playing jump rope with her vagine), I paid her and left.
No seriously, after it was done, I really had to take a piss. I really, really, really, had to take a piss. Now if your a woman reading this right now, well number one, you cant respect the inability a man has when trytin' got take piss when his cock is in the towel rack position. Regardless, its hard to do, you get the picture. But of course, the girl went to the bathroom, because that's what they do after sex. So here I am, with my hand on my cock, trying to hold in one of the most epic pisses in my life.
Then it dawns on me... I can just go in the sink. Brilliant. So all I had to do is go to the kitchen and do my thing. Unfortunately, the logistics were flawed from the beginning. The counter is about level with my rod, so I had to go tippy-toe in order to get into firing position.
Talk about a feat of strengths... pissing with an erection alone is almost difficult- pissing with an erection on your tippy-toes is harder than Iron Man's erection.
So naturally the proverbial light goes off above my head, and I look down at the dishwasher. This was almost more convenient than a urinal. I opened the door, and let loose. By the time I heard her flush I was just about done... I closed the door and I was on my way. Maybe I should have set the dial to regular wash, since I already did the pre-wash cycle.....
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Stalker Hatin'
Today the student directory at our school came out. It has all of our information, such as a mugshot, email address, postal address, phone number, etc...
Naturally a bunch of self centered bitches are pissed off as hell because all of their personal information is in it, and they think people are going to stalk them. Before I even go on, I have to quote my immediate reaction to this assumption...
"Bitch- you should be happy anyone even talks to you."
Lets run down your stalkable characteristics: 1) your a self absorbed bitch 2) your fat 3) your ugly 4) your annoying. --Yea that sounds like you have a lot to worry about. Perhaps I should mention that the info that is in the student directory was based on a form that we had to fill out and hand into the administrative office, and it explicitly said that your information on the form would go into the student directory.
Maybe I should add a 5th quality- stupid / ignorant (take your pick).
Here is some sound advice for you... unless you realize the world does not revolve around you, get on a treadmill, put on some makeup, shut your fucking mouth and read a book, you have nothing to worry about. Nobody wants to stalk you. If anything, we will reference your picture in the directory to prevent us from firing off a load in some random.
Naturally a bunch of self centered bitches are pissed off as hell because all of their personal information is in it, and they think people are going to stalk them. Before I even go on, I have to quote my immediate reaction to this assumption...
"Bitch- you should be happy anyone even talks to you."
Lets run down your stalkable characteristics: 1) your a self absorbed bitch 2) your fat 3) your ugly 4) your annoying. --Yea that sounds like you have a lot to worry about. Perhaps I should mention that the info that is in the student directory was based on a form that we had to fill out and hand into the administrative office, and it explicitly said that your information on the form would go into the student directory.
Maybe I should add a 5th quality- stupid / ignorant (take your pick).
Here is some sound advice for you... unless you realize the world does not revolve around you, get on a treadmill, put on some makeup, shut your fucking mouth and read a book, you have nothing to worry about. Nobody wants to stalk you. If anything, we will reference your picture in the directory to prevent us from firing off a load in some random.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Pyschotic Hate (on me for a change)
This one came out of the blue.
About 1AM last night, my friend... we'll just say her name is Emily for argument's sake calls up. Only it wasn't 'Emily', rather it was her brother.
I could tell he was at a bar, because it was noisy in the background. I was taken back at first, but then I realized who it was. Now I have met this person a few times, and he is actually a straight shooter.
I suppose before I get into the psychotic outrage I need to preface the story. In a drunken stupor, I texted her something along the lines of, "Seriously, I'll fly you out here if you fuck me."
Despite the word seriously, I was only joking, as this was a good friend from college. Keep in mind this text was a few weeks ago.
He confronts me about it and I told him it was just a joke, only to be interrupted by talks about hunting me down and giving me a good beat down. Given the situation, I gave him the benefit of the doubt... that was his little sister, and if I read it I would be pissed too. So I gave up a little slack, only to take it away when he disregarded my apology and explanation of the obvious joke (plus that was the relationship we had, we mess around like that) I even told him I have a girlfriend, and I don't need to fly anyone out here to fuck me. Still no avail. More threats ensued. Eventually his rant got old and I hung up.
See, what upsets me is how people can act like Billy Bad-Ass and make empty threats because they got a few drinks in them, and they are 900 miles away. This isn't a game. Its not 1970 where you can get in a fight and go your separate ways. Fuck the kid's dad is an attorney, you would think he would pick up some shred of intelligence.
So 20 minutes later, I get a text, saying, "This is Mike. If u ever degrading to my sister again you're a dead man."
Yea that totally seems like an appropriate response to what happened. So if for some reason, I die, that is where you should look first. That and Joseph Hazlewood. I took some gin away from him.
Curious to note, however, that he read the text from her phone, witch leads me to believe she showed him. If that's the case, then I'm washing my hands clean from that shit. I need that like Timothy McVeigh's executor needed a power outage.
So I guess I got hated on pretty good. It was an interstate hate too. So congrats.
About 1AM last night, my friend... we'll just say her name is Emily for argument's sake calls up. Only it wasn't 'Emily', rather it was her brother.
I could tell he was at a bar, because it was noisy in the background. I was taken back at first, but then I realized who it was. Now I have met this person a few times, and he is actually a straight shooter.
I suppose before I get into the psychotic outrage I need to preface the story. In a drunken stupor, I texted her something along the lines of, "Seriously, I'll fly you out here if you fuck me."
Despite the word seriously, I was only joking, as this was a good friend from college. Keep in mind this text was a few weeks ago.
He confronts me about it and I told him it was just a joke, only to be interrupted by talks about hunting me down and giving me a good beat down. Given the situation, I gave him the benefit of the doubt... that was his little sister, and if I read it I would be pissed too. So I gave up a little slack, only to take it away when he disregarded my apology and explanation of the obvious joke (plus that was the relationship we had, we mess around like that) I even told him I have a girlfriend, and I don't need to fly anyone out here to fuck me. Still no avail. More threats ensued. Eventually his rant got old and I hung up.
See, what upsets me is how people can act like Billy Bad-Ass and make empty threats because they got a few drinks in them, and they are 900 miles away. This isn't a game. Its not 1970 where you can get in a fight and go your separate ways. Fuck the kid's dad is an attorney, you would think he would pick up some shred of intelligence.
So 20 minutes later, I get a text, saying, "This is Mike. If u ever degrading to my sister again you're a dead man."
Yea that totally seems like an appropriate response to what happened. So if for some reason, I die, that is where you should look first. That and Joseph Hazlewood. I took some gin away from him.
Curious to note, however, that he read the text from her phone, witch leads me to believe she showed him. If that's the case, then I'm washing my hands clean from that shit. I need that like Timothy McVeigh's executor needed a power outage.
So I guess I got hated on pretty good. It was an interstate hate too. So congrats.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
No Posts Do Not Mean No Hates....
Well its been a solid 2 months with no updates, and for that I apologize.
It seems as if I have entered a noble profession, so I am held to a higher standard of behavior. This may be, but there is still a lot of hate to go around... This is a good hate put on a kid who goes to University of Indiana (who is in the Big Ten), and decided to talk shit about beating WMU (who is in the MAC).
So naturally I had to do some polluting on facebook (because I'm 10): "Ok, Ok.....Lets talk shit about a Big 10 team beating a MAC team... That's about as good as a matchup as watching your dad beat your mom after he has been hanging out with Jack Daniels. Hey have fun being the bitch of the Big 10. Once Indiana goes to a bowl, instead of smoking one, you can talk shit. Mike, shouldn't you be harvesting corn right now?"
It seems as if I have entered a noble profession, so I am held to a higher standard of behavior. This may be, but there is still a lot of hate to go around... This is a good hate put on a kid who goes to University of Indiana (who is in the Big Ten), and decided to talk shit about beating WMU (who is in the MAC).
So naturally I had to do some polluting on facebook (because I'm 10): "Ok, Ok.....Lets talk shit about a Big 10 team beating a MAC team... That's about as good as a matchup as watching your dad beat your mom after he has been hanging out with Jack Daniels. Hey have fun being the bitch of the Big 10. Once Indiana goes to a bowl, instead of smoking one, you can talk shit. Mike, shouldn't you be harvesting corn right now?"
Monday, July 23, 2007
Weight Loss Hatin'
I'd like to take this opportunity to hate on all the people I work with that are on a diet, but for what reason or another, have not lost any weight in the 7 months I worked there.
I'm not hatin' because they are overweight, rather thier stupidity when it comes to thier weight loss efforts. Example- I work with someone who pays good money for a membership to SWAT, wakes up early in the morning to go swimming, spinning, and other types of good exercises, and then counts the calories on a box of fucking crackers, saying, "I cant eat this, it has 3g of fat," WHILE FUCKING EATING IT ANYWAY.
The main event is reserved for lunchtime, when they have people deliver (can't even get her ass off of their chair and walk to their car) fast food to her. Hey dip shit... the crackers your eating are fine, but put the fucking Big Mac down!!!
The best part- I get to hear every day about how sore they are from working out, like I should envy the fact your morning workout was more than cancelled out by what you ate for lunch. Seriously, there is a slight corollary to her and Ron Burgundy in Anchorman, "My arm hurts, because I did so many, I don’t know if you heard, but I was up to 1000".
I don't even need to hate on you, because you are hatin' on yourself. You spend at least $30 a month in a gym membership, at least $100 a month in fast food, and you sacrifice over 20 hours of sleep a month just so you can keep your molded pear shape. It is no wonder you can't manage a team, you can't even manage your weight.
Honestly….. here is the rundown of the meals by my boss this week for lunch
McDonalds- Monday
Arby’s- Tuesday
Taco Bell- Wednesday
And when someone calls her out, she has to say that her job is so demanding that she doesn't have time to get a good meal, as if subway is a fort night away. I translate that excuse as "I'm not good at my job, that's why I cant get shit done, that is why I have no time. If you in question are reading this, I really hope your tears fill you up so you wont have to make your employee's deliver you nasty food that will in turn stink up our workspace.
I'm not hatin' because they are overweight, rather thier stupidity when it comes to thier weight loss efforts. Example- I work with someone who pays good money for a membership to SWAT, wakes up early in the morning to go swimming, spinning, and other types of good exercises, and then counts the calories on a box of fucking crackers, saying, "I cant eat this, it has 3g of fat," WHILE FUCKING EATING IT ANYWAY.
The main event is reserved for lunchtime, when they have people deliver (can't even get her ass off of their chair and walk to their car) fast food to her. Hey dip shit... the crackers your eating are fine, but put the fucking Big Mac down!!!
The best part- I get to hear every day about how sore they are from working out, like I should envy the fact your morning workout was more than cancelled out by what you ate for lunch. Seriously, there is a slight corollary to her and Ron Burgundy in Anchorman, "My arm hurts, because I did so many, I don’t know if you heard, but I was up to 1000".
I don't even need to hate on you, because you are hatin' on yourself. You spend at least $30 a month in a gym membership, at least $100 a month in fast food, and you sacrifice over 20 hours of sleep a month just so you can keep your molded pear shape. It is no wonder you can't manage a team, you can't even manage your weight.
Honestly….. here is the rundown of the meals by my boss this week for lunch
McDonalds- Monday
Arby’s- Tuesday
Taco Bell- Wednesday
And when someone calls her out, she has to say that her job is so demanding that she doesn't have time to get a good meal, as if subway is a fort night away. I translate that excuse as "I'm not good at my job, that's why I cant get shit done, that is why I have no time. If you in question are reading this, I really hope your tears fill you up so you wont have to make your employee's deliver you nasty food that will in turn stink up our workspace.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Tramp Stamp Hatin'
Oh you have a tatoo on your back.... cool. oh and it's some pink stars and shit. I've never seen that on the small of a persons back. Thats very original.....
Friday, July 13, 2007
You Pissed On My Floor....
Taken from craigslist this afternoon...
So I know things weren't going well. I tried to break up nicely a lot of times. I really didn't want to hurt you, but neither of us were happy. We were both miserable in fact. I'm sorry it didn't work out. It would have been lovely if we had both fallen madly and passionately in love- but we didn't. It needed to end. All of that, however doesn't explain why YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR and then you left.
I called to see if you had somehow slipped. I was hoping there was an explanation. You hung up on me. I'm pretty sure that means you deliberately PISSED ON MY FLOOR i don't even know what to say to that. I don't know what to think. I'm not sure I can protect your dignity anymore.
I need to tell everyone, because it's so fucking crazy. YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR. I have a new rule in my apartment now. Its the NO PISSING ON THE FLOOR RULE. it goes like this- DON'T PISS ON MY FUCKING FLOOR. thanks for a good laugh though. It's so much better than the cliche shit that ends way too many relationships.
I'm sure the next time I break up with someone, I'll be saying AT LEAST HE DIDNT PISS ON MY FLOOR.
So I know things weren't going well. I tried to break up nicely a lot of times. I really didn't want to hurt you, but neither of us were happy. We were both miserable in fact. I'm sorry it didn't work out. It would have been lovely if we had both fallen madly and passionately in love- but we didn't. It needed to end. All of that, however doesn't explain why YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR and then you left.
I called to see if you had somehow slipped. I was hoping there was an explanation. You hung up on me. I'm pretty sure that means you deliberately PISSED ON MY FLOOR i don't even know what to say to that. I don't know what to think. I'm not sure I can protect your dignity anymore.
I need to tell everyone, because it's so fucking crazy. YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR. I have a new rule in my apartment now. Its the NO PISSING ON THE FLOOR RULE. it goes like this- DON'T PISS ON MY FUCKING FLOOR. thanks for a good laugh though. It's so much better than the cliche shit that ends way too many relationships.
I'm sure the next time I break up with someone, I'll be saying AT LEAST HE DIDNT PISS ON MY FLOOR.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Craigslist Hatin' Part 1
So I was talking to my Friend Ryan, who was lookin to lock up with some dirty ass in NY. He was on craigslist, and saw a person who was willing to do 'anything' for an iPhone. This girl was nice enough to post pictures of her double d tits and say as long as your not psycho you can do anything to her for an hour for a phone. That's special. So that got me to looking at some other people's profile.
I started to notice a trend.
All the fat people posting personal ads make sure they put, 'must be attractive' or 'must be in shape'. Bitches, you are on the bottom of the fucking dating food chain by trying to get ass on the net, and your fat as fuck. How dare you ask for your partner to be anything. Your ad should read, I'm fat, ill take what I can get.
There should be some kind of option on these sites where you have to get your weight verified by a notary and you can filter based on exact weight.
And to the girls out there who try to look smart by writing their trailer trash, only to look up every other word on the thesaurus, transforming, "I just want to find a rich guy who will fuck me and spend all his money on me, and ill occasionally make the bed (that I slept in)" to, "I'm looking for a refined gentleman, with class and poise that knows how to spoil his companion and make a girl feel important, and in return I will cater to all your desires," let me just say FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. You are a whore, and you are just looking for a sugar daddy.
In my book, honesty is the best policy. I would rather you say that you are gold digger looking for an expensive meal, valet service and to cream some 600 thread sheets than to lie to me. At least that way I can plan the dine and dash before we get to the restaurant.
I started to notice a trend.
All the fat people posting personal ads make sure they put, 'must be attractive' or 'must be in shape'. Bitches, you are on the bottom of the fucking dating food chain by trying to get ass on the net, and your fat as fuck. How dare you ask for your partner to be anything. Your ad should read, I'm fat, ill take what I can get.
There should be some kind of option on these sites where you have to get your weight verified by a notary and you can filter based on exact weight.
And to the girls out there who try to look smart by writing their trailer trash, only to look up every other word on the thesaurus, transforming, "I just want to find a rich guy who will fuck me and spend all his money on me, and ill occasionally make the bed (that I slept in)" to, "I'm looking for a refined gentleman, with class and poise that knows how to spoil his companion and make a girl feel important, and in return I will cater to all your desires," let me just say FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. You are a whore, and you are just looking for a sugar daddy.
In my book, honesty is the best policy. I would rather you say that you are gold digger looking for an expensive meal, valet service and to cream some 600 thread sheets than to lie to me. At least that way I can plan the dine and dash before we get to the restaurant.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Lack of Hate
Its been a solid week without any legitimate hatin'. I dont know what to tell you. I think on off-hate weeks I will just have to cultivate some old hatin' stories.
The best hate I have today is when some welfare rat i work with tried to tell me where to go and how to get there. Here is the conversation. I realize it't not the best, but its the best I have.
I hated on a co-worker by telling outing her in front of everyone else by saying:
"Im pretty sure this has always been the case since day one. Perhaps paying attention would pan out for you."
That sparked an email debate with her disgusting whore freind coming to her defene. We will just call her hofosho.
[hofosho] Maybe if you could take a second and read her email…..I am pretty sure that she is not indicating that she was under the impression that we needed them for all accounts. It sounds more like she is simply stating, for those who may have some confusion, if the account is over 90 days then we don’t need them. Maybe before jumping the gun and questioning her intelligence it would pay to read things more thoroughly.
[me] Im sorry? I don’t speak spanish
[hofosho] What’s the matter you can dish it out, but you cant take it back?
[me] Dish it, I got plenty of Tupperware.
[hofosho] I just think that the comment you made was kind of pointless, she never said or implied that she didn’t know that, you just assumed and sent some smart ass reply back that made no sense. So in the end instead of making her look stupid, you just made yourself look stupid. That’s all. Don’t take offense to it please, I don’t mean it that way. But if you can send out remarks like that about other people then you should be able to take it back.
[me] Thanks for the coaching
[hofosho] If that’s how you want to take it
[me] perhaps instead of talkin c-game trash, you should do something more productive, how about going to save-a-lot and getting your diapers off of layway.
The best hate I have today is when some welfare rat i work with tried to tell me where to go and how to get there. Here is the conversation. I realize it't not the best, but its the best I have.
I hated on a co-worker by telling outing her in front of everyone else by saying:
"Im pretty sure this has always been the case since day one. Perhaps paying attention would pan out for you."
That sparked an email debate with her disgusting whore freind coming to her defene. We will just call her hofosho.
[hofosho] Maybe if you could take a second and read her email…..I am pretty sure that she is not indicating that she was under the impression that we needed them for all accounts. It sounds more like she is simply stating, for those who may have some confusion, if the account is over 90 days then we don’t need them. Maybe before jumping the gun and questioning her intelligence it would pay to read things more thoroughly.
[me] Im sorry? I don’t speak spanish
[hofosho] What’s the matter you can dish it out, but you cant take it back?
[me] Dish it, I got plenty of Tupperware.
[hofosho] I just think that the comment you made was kind of pointless, she never said or implied that she didn’t know that, you just assumed and sent some smart ass reply back that made no sense. So in the end instead of making her look stupid, you just made yourself look stupid. That’s all. Don’t take offense to it please, I don’t mean it that way. But if you can send out remarks like that about other people then you should be able to take it back.
[me] Thanks for the coaching
[hofosho] If that’s how you want to take it
[me] perhaps instead of talkin c-game trash, you should do something more productive, how about going to save-a-lot and getting your diapers off of layway.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Sellout Hatin'
A few nights ago, a group of 21 year olds came into the bar, ready to get their drink on. The last one in line, was wearing that stupid style cowboy hat worn by K-fed and other douchebags throughout the country. His ID was definitely fake, but it was convincing, so I let it slide.
After they all left, one member in the group (a cop, because I saw his badge) told me, “Hey, I saw you giving him a hard time, and I just wanted to let you know your intuition was right, he is underage… and I just wanted to let you know, since I'm a cop, but I really don’t care, I just think the dude is a douchebag.”
Upset at myself for not taking the opportunity to hate on him, so I asked what his name was, and then ran out to the parking lot where he was, and said, “Look, Dan, I know your name, give me your ID.”
Sticking to his guns, he said I was wrong, and went into confrontational mode.
I then said, “There are two ways this goes down, 1. I get the cops out here and arrest you, (obviously not true) or you can give me your ID and we can be done with the whole thing right now.
He gave me his id, and then screeched out of the parking lot. A smarter person would have just taken off and denied everything. Alas, it was a good hate, but left me wondering, who hated on him more, me for taking the ID, or his ‘friend’ who sold him out?
After they all left, one member in the group (a cop, because I saw his badge) told me, “Hey, I saw you giving him a hard time, and I just wanted to let you know your intuition was right, he is underage… and I just wanted to let you know, since I'm a cop, but I really don’t care, I just think the dude is a douchebag.”
Upset at myself for not taking the opportunity to hate on him, so I asked what his name was, and then ran out to the parking lot where he was, and said, “Look, Dan, I know your name, give me your ID.”
Sticking to his guns, he said I was wrong, and went into confrontational mode.
I then said, “There are two ways this goes down, 1. I get the cops out here and arrest you, (obviously not true) or you can give me your ID and we can be done with the whole thing right now.
He gave me his id, and then screeched out of the parking lot. A smarter person would have just taken off and denied everything. Alas, it was a good hate, but left me wondering, who hated on him more, me for taking the ID, or his ‘friend’ who sold him out?
Friday, June 15, 2007
Registration Hatin'
My friend Josh is working at a hospital, registering patients, when one of his coworkers husband comes in for an appointment.
The woman jokes with the other girls in the office and says, 'He is here because he has erectile dysfunction.'
Upon hearing this, Josh's response, 'I would too, if i was married to you.'
It wouldn't have been bad if he was part of the conversation, rather he just butted in hate on her.
The woman jokes with the other girls in the office and says, 'He is here because he has erectile dysfunction.'
Upon hearing this, Josh's response, 'I would too, if i was married to you.'
It wouldn't have been bad if he was part of the conversation, rather he just butted in hate on her.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Facebook Hatin'
The following story is long, drawn out and probably not worth putting on the hate blog, but this shit sandwich is garnished with bits of hate.
To get you up to speed... the following is a log of a conversation I am having with a girl on facebook who messages me out of the blue. My nararration is in bold. Please tolorate the shitty grammar, I decided to keep it untouched.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
10:32pm May 25
cute koala ;-)[in reference to a picture on my profile from the San Diego Zoo] can I see a pic of you??? I think I remember you from western business classes...do you have a g/f????? [I graduated 11 months ago, and wasnt in class since close to this time last year. The fact that anyone remembers me from that class is amazing since I sat in the corner and played on my computer the whole time]
ME:
2:54am May 26th
I dont look much different than the koala. I recall no such girl in any of my business classes. I have a gf. She is the light of my life, despite the fact that all of her friends are disgusting whores, and I thouroughly hate the fact that she is in a sorority and fucks frat dudes whenever we go on a break... also, she fucked some cage fighter with the same last name as you... nice try asshole I'm thouroughly disgusted you would go to this length to try to entrap me into being un-loyal, and insulted that you would think I would fall for something so lame
1. Same first name as that whore child from friends
2. Same last name of the cage fighter you know
3. No girl says "I remember you from western business class"
Go ahead and piss me off more by playing it off as a joke.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
11:02am May 26th
I'm really confused??
ME:
9:29am May 29th
I'' bet
ME:
11:39am May 29th
Sorry I was way of in left field. what can i do for you. [Realizing I might be able to have some fun with this]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
7:59pm May 29th
I just thought I would say hi. I remember your name from a real estate class I took last year at the business college during the summer. I wanted to see pictures because I thought I would remember a face, and I'm pretty sure you're the person I'm thinking of.
ME:
8:52pm May 29th
I dont belive u
ME:
8:55pm May 29th
But seriously I dont remember, but hi.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
2:47pm May 30th
Well that's unfortunate. So have you graduated?
ME:
5:17pm May 30th
Yes... I did, im moving out to New York in August to start law school... till then I have been biding my time at Bilbo's. [Hell, thats where I'm at right now]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
1:42am June 3rd
That sounds like fun, but alot of hard work! What are you up to this summer?
ME:
8:57am June 8th
I just got back from NYC, Im trying to get rid of all my crap in my apartment and get set to move, you?
Emma Mabel Krisufek
12:13pm June 8th
Oh fun. Do anything crazy in New York?? I hear it's a fun place, but have never been. Did you go alone?? [Setting me up for a lie, since my gf went with me] It's got to be so overwhelming packing to move out of state. I'm just working this summer, having fun, taking a couple classes in summer 2.
ME:
1:09pm June 8th
2 of my friends live in Manhattan, and I went w/ my gf. [Fuck, I'm not as stupid as you look, even Bush could have put that puzzle together] so... still cant put a name to a face, since all I can see is your ass in the picture....
Emma Mabel Krisufek
2:10pm June 8th
Its a good ass, so I had to put it up ;-), are you complaining??? Plus its one of the only ones I have. I actually just added a pic I had on my computer to my profile. I don't have a camera, [first of all a girl without a camera is like jew without money] and most of friends don't have facebook, so I don't have many pics to put up...
ME:
4:37pm June 8th
That is one nice heiney.... im mean that thing is good. I wanna be freinds with it. [From Anchorman, if you missed the reference there]
ME:
4:54pm June 8th
But for real, what are you doing this weekend? Im working at bilbos, you should entertain me... [Trying to see her in person because I belive she is the byproduct of fat sorority girls with too much time on their hands]
ME:
5:14pm June 8th
In fact my gf works there too, I think she knows you as well... [Because they are in on the scam]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
3:38am June 10th
oh yeah, whos your girl friend?
ME:
10:48am June 11th
J**** D******
ME:
10:48am June 11th
Maybe not...
Emma Mabel Krisufek
2:50pm June 11th
I dont think I know her? Why do you think I would? Sounds like fun, but I'm not 21 and, how would your gf feel about me "entertaining you" at Bilbos? [Apparently that contex implies a good rimming in her book]
ME:
11:09pm June 11th
Hmm, well I didnt say suck me off at the door... So i think you will be alright.... Plus you can just not drink and get in. [Seems to know that you have to be 21 to get in, hmm...]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
12:51pm June 12th
ok. it just seems weird that you want to meet me and not want to get in my pants. isn't that how guys are about every girl they meet?
Sent via Facebook Mobile [The fact that she took the time to send this via cell phone makes me beg that it is made up and a person out there isn't this pretentious.
ME:
5:26pm June 12th
Dont flatter yourslef.....
ME:
5:36pm June 12th
Im just the victim of boredom. [More than you know]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
11:22pm June 12th
Oh, well if your gf is that boring then why are you even with her? [Keep diggin girl]
ME:
Today at 8:58am
Calm down, I meant I was bored in general, not with her. Are you always this intrusive when you talk to people?
Emma Mabel Krisufek
Today at 2:42pm
Andy, i'm just very confused by your motives, and trying to get to the bottom of it. Here I am, a very attractive person, [It's easy to make that claim when you are the judge and jury] continuing to talk to you, someone who seems interested in me by carrying on this message with me. And also asking me to 'entertain' you at your place of work, which makes me wonder what you're actually thinking might happen. This worries me, b/c you do have a gf and that's not cool. Have you ever cheated on her before because you sound like that type of guy. [You know, I could probably make the same assumption from somone that I talked to that much] Let me know if I'm completly wrong. Anyways, if you are going for the friend role, I know almost no guys who can be friends with a girl without fucking her or wanting to fuck her. [Your in a sorority you dumb whore what did you expect? Those guys aren't fucking your personality, they are only nice because you roll over easier than an egg standing up on end] If he hasn't done so with the girls he hangs around with, he definitly wants to. Am I right? That's why this situation is so weird to me.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
Today at 3:31pm
and by the way, sorry, I guess I really don't know what youre called. I just assumed Andy [Wrong, you know me as Andy, and out of habbit you called me that even though my name says Andrew] but that's a general assumption since i call most of my andrew frinds andy. Anyways, andy, andrew, mr. juice, whatever you go by, there's my correction.
ME:
Today at 10:05pm
Ha. I am the type of person that would cheat? Im sorry you feel that way. looks like you have been hangin out with the wrong type of guys. I have never cheated on my gf, and I hang out with girls that are my friends all the time and dont want to fuck them. I dont think its fair that a girl can have a lot of guy friends, but when a guy has a lot of girl friends he is assumed to be fucking them. I think it's quite pretentious to say that I am the type of person that would cheat on my gf, especially since I have said nothing out of line. I told you to come out to my work and keep me occupied because i get bored, and you somehow translated that to me wanting to brick on your chin.If things are getting too real for the stepford wife, let me know... but keep in mind, you were the one who initiated the conversation in the first place big baby :)
And thats where we are at right now... more as it happens.
To get you up to speed... the following is a log of a conversation I am having with a girl on facebook who messages me out of the blue. My nararration is in bold. Please tolorate the shitty grammar, I decided to keep it untouched.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
10:32pm May 25
cute koala ;-)[in reference to a picture on my profile from the San Diego Zoo] can I see a pic of you??? I think I remember you from western business classes...do you have a g/f????? [I graduated 11 months ago, and wasnt in class since close to this time last year. The fact that anyone remembers me from that class is amazing since I sat in the corner and played on my computer the whole time]
ME:
2:54am May 26th
I dont look much different than the koala. I recall no such girl in any of my business classes. I have a gf. She is the light of my life, despite the fact that all of her friends are disgusting whores, and I thouroughly hate the fact that she is in a sorority and fucks frat dudes whenever we go on a break... also, she fucked some cage fighter with the same last name as you... nice try asshole I'm thouroughly disgusted you would go to this length to try to entrap me into being un-loyal, and insulted that you would think I would fall for something so lame
1. Same first name as that whore child from friends
2. Same last name of the cage fighter you know
3. No girl says "I remember you from western business class"
Go ahead and piss me off more by playing it off as a joke.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
11:02am May 26th
I'm really confused??
ME:
9:29am May 29th
I'' bet
ME:
11:39am May 29th
Sorry I was way of in left field. what can i do for you. [Realizing I might be able to have some fun with this]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
7:59pm May 29th
I just thought I would say hi. I remember your name from a real estate class I took last year at the business college during the summer. I wanted to see pictures because I thought I would remember a face, and I'm pretty sure you're the person I'm thinking of.
ME:
8:52pm May 29th
I dont belive u
ME:
8:55pm May 29th
But seriously I dont remember, but hi.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
2:47pm May 30th
Well that's unfortunate. So have you graduated?
ME:
5:17pm May 30th
Yes... I did, im moving out to New York in August to start law school... till then I have been biding my time at Bilbo's. [Hell, thats where I'm at right now]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
1:42am June 3rd
That sounds like fun, but alot of hard work! What are you up to this summer?
ME:
8:57am June 8th
I just got back from NYC, Im trying to get rid of all my crap in my apartment and get set to move, you?
Emma Mabel Krisufek
12:13pm June 8th
Oh fun. Do anything crazy in New York?? I hear it's a fun place, but have never been. Did you go alone?? [Setting me up for a lie, since my gf went with me] It's got to be so overwhelming packing to move out of state. I'm just working this summer, having fun, taking a couple classes in summer 2.
ME:
1:09pm June 8th
2 of my friends live in Manhattan, and I went w/ my gf. [Fuck, I'm not as stupid as you look, even Bush could have put that puzzle together] so... still cant put a name to a face, since all I can see is your ass in the picture....
Emma Mabel Krisufek
2:10pm June 8th
Its a good ass, so I had to put it up ;-), are you complaining??? Plus its one of the only ones I have. I actually just added a pic I had on my computer to my profile. I don't have a camera, [first of all a girl without a camera is like jew without money] and most of friends don't have facebook, so I don't have many pics to put up...
ME:
4:37pm June 8th
That is one nice heiney.... im mean that thing is good. I wanna be freinds with it. [From Anchorman, if you missed the reference there]
ME:
4:54pm June 8th
But for real, what are you doing this weekend? Im working at bilbos, you should entertain me... [Trying to see her in person because I belive she is the byproduct of fat sorority girls with too much time on their hands]
ME:
5:14pm June 8th
In fact my gf works there too, I think she knows you as well... [Because they are in on the scam]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
3:38am June 10th
oh yeah, whos your girl friend?
ME:
10:48am June 11th
J**** D******
ME:
10:48am June 11th
Maybe not...
Emma Mabel Krisufek
2:50pm June 11th
I dont think I know her? Why do you think I would? Sounds like fun, but I'm not 21 and, how would your gf feel about me "entertaining you" at Bilbos? [Apparently that contex implies a good rimming in her book]
ME:
11:09pm June 11th
Hmm, well I didnt say suck me off at the door... So i think you will be alright.... Plus you can just not drink and get in. [Seems to know that you have to be 21 to get in, hmm...]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
12:51pm June 12th
ok. it just seems weird that you want to meet me and not want to get in my pants. isn't that how guys are about every girl they meet?
Sent via Facebook Mobile [The fact that she took the time to send this via cell phone makes me beg that it is made up and a person out there isn't this pretentious.
ME:
5:26pm June 12th
Dont flatter yourslef.....
ME:
5:36pm June 12th
Im just the victim of boredom. [More than you know]
Emma Mabel Krisufek
11:22pm June 12th
Oh, well if your gf is that boring then why are you even with her? [Keep diggin girl]
ME:
Today at 8:58am
Calm down, I meant I was bored in general, not with her. Are you always this intrusive when you talk to people?
Emma Mabel Krisufek
Today at 2:42pm
Andy, i'm just very confused by your motives, and trying to get to the bottom of it. Here I am, a very attractive person, [It's easy to make that claim when you are the judge and jury] continuing to talk to you, someone who seems interested in me by carrying on this message with me. And also asking me to 'entertain' you at your place of work, which makes me wonder what you're actually thinking might happen. This worries me, b/c you do have a gf and that's not cool. Have you ever cheated on her before because you sound like that type of guy. [You know, I could probably make the same assumption from somone that I talked to that much] Let me know if I'm completly wrong. Anyways, if you are going for the friend role, I know almost no guys who can be friends with a girl without fucking her or wanting to fuck her. [Your in a sorority you dumb whore what did you expect? Those guys aren't fucking your personality, they are only nice because you roll over easier than an egg standing up on end] If he hasn't done so with the girls he hangs around with, he definitly wants to. Am I right? That's why this situation is so weird to me.
Emma Mabel Krisufek
Today at 3:31pm
and by the way, sorry, I guess I really don't know what youre called. I just assumed Andy [Wrong, you know me as Andy, and out of habbit you called me that even though my name says Andrew] but that's a general assumption since i call most of my andrew frinds andy. Anyways, andy, andrew, mr. juice, whatever you go by, there's my correction.
ME:
Today at 10:05pm
Ha. I am the type of person that would cheat? Im sorry you feel that way. looks like you have been hangin out with the wrong type of guys. I have never cheated on my gf, and I hang out with girls that are my friends all the time and dont want to fuck them. I dont think its fair that a girl can have a lot of guy friends, but when a guy has a lot of girl friends he is assumed to be fucking them. I think it's quite pretentious to say that I am the type of person that would cheat on my gf, especially since I have said nothing out of line. I told you to come out to my work and keep me occupied because i get bored, and you somehow translated that to me wanting to brick on your chin.If things are getting too real for the stepford wife, let me know... but keep in mind, you were the one who initiated the conversation in the first place big baby :)
And thats where we are at right now... more as it happens.
Straight hatin'
“I’m sorry me and Jenna couldn't make it to your wedding, we will be at your next one.” I said to Tearea about missing her wedding last week.
Over my birthday, I was supposed to go to this wedding in Traverse City. It was for some sorority slut who I met once but was friends with my girlfriend. The story started out that I was going to a wedding, and then I find out its in Traverse City. And finally, the straw that broke the camels back was that it was going to be a 3 day excursion with all of my girlfriends disgusting whore friends who’s only talents are churning butter and rolling down windows.
So instead of getting dragged out to this lame wedding, in witch I would have to pay money to split a room with more tools than Sunday’s Sears ad, I purposefully planned an impromptu trip to NYC so I would have an excuse not to go to the wedding.
Hate hate hate.
Over my birthday, I was supposed to go to this wedding in Traverse City. It was for some sorority slut who I met once but was friends with my girlfriend. The story started out that I was going to a wedding, and then I find out its in Traverse City. And finally, the straw that broke the camels back was that it was going to be a 3 day excursion with all of my girlfriends disgusting whore friends who’s only talents are churning butter and rolling down windows.
So instead of getting dragged out to this lame wedding, in witch I would have to pay money to split a room with more tools than Sunday’s Sears ad, I purposefully planned an impromptu trip to NYC so I would have an excuse not to go to the wedding.
Hate hate hate.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Hockey Snot Hatin'
Call me a pussy, but whenever the temperature goes above 85 degrees and my balls sack sticks to the side of my leg, I get a little irritable. That, in conjunction with going to the Secretary of State makes me equally pissed.
So when I was heading down to the beloved SOS this afternoon, I was looking for a spot close to the entrance so my ball sweat experience would be as limited as possible. When I rolled up to what I thought was a spot, I noticed some jackass in a minivan was parked sideways in two spots. It looked as if he didn't even try, or even give a shit how he or she parked for that matter.
This was the only open spot, and the next available one was quite a ways down. So during the time it took for me to walk up to shit-heads vehicle, I decided to launch an epic snot rocket all over his door, and in case he was getting shit at Target, I launched a second rocket on his hatch release for the knockout punch.
So when I was heading down to the beloved SOS this afternoon, I was looking for a spot close to the entrance so my ball sweat experience would be as limited as possible. When I rolled up to what I thought was a spot, I noticed some jackass in a minivan was parked sideways in two spots. It looked as if he didn't even try, or even give a shit how he or she parked for that matter.
This was the only open spot, and the next available one was quite a ways down. So during the time it took for me to walk up to shit-heads vehicle, I decided to launch an epic snot rocket all over his door, and in case he was getting shit at Target, I launched a second rocket on his hatch release for the knockout punch.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Hatin' on Hollywood
Take part in a good hate by hawking some media on the following website:
www.tv-links.co.uk
hatestrong
www.tv-links.co.uk
hatestrong
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Hot Tub Hatin'
A quick and perhaps trivial hate….
While ID checking a few weeks ago, the rowdiest of my rowdy friends showed up and were acting drunk and obnoxious, (standard for a Saturday night. When my boss told me I would need to kick them out if they couldn’t calm the F down, I grabbed what I thought was my soberest of friends, looked him in they eyes and said, ‘cool out’. The response given to me was, “Who’s gonna kick us out….You?” [in probably the most cocky look ever]
So I told him at the first opportunity I had, I would throw him under the bus. This didn’t take long to happen.
Later on that night, I arrived at my friend’s house after work. I walked directly to the back, to find my friend lockin’ up with some girl. After walking by a few times, he came up to me and said, ‘hey, be a buddy and turn those lights off.” So instead, I did the exact opposite and left the lights on, so anyone who wanted to could see him. Needless to say, the hot tub needed to be refilled in the morning.
While ID checking a few weeks ago, the rowdiest of my rowdy friends showed up and were acting drunk and obnoxious, (standard for a Saturday night. When my boss told me I would need to kick them out if they couldn’t calm the F down, I grabbed what I thought was my soberest of friends, looked him in they eyes and said, ‘cool out’. The response given to me was, “Who’s gonna kick us out….You?” [in probably the most cocky look ever]
So I told him at the first opportunity I had, I would throw him under the bus. This didn’t take long to happen.
Later on that night, I arrived at my friend’s house after work. I walked directly to the back, to find my friend lockin’ up with some girl. After walking by a few times, he came up to me and said, ‘hey, be a buddy and turn those lights off.” So instead, I did the exact opposite and left the lights on, so anyone who wanted to could see him. Needless to say, the hot tub needed to be refilled in the morning.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Retaliation Hatin'
In response to the Vegan Hatin', from 'Wendy':
Andy you are such an ass hole. First of all I am not a vegan...you should fucking know that if i just ordered a fucking pizza from you with CHEESE, not to mention i fucking eat meat all the damn time. Second...if you're going to be calling me fat, you might want to rethink who else reads this...Jenna and i, you know you're girlfriend who you don't even deserve, is the SAME FUCKING SIZE AS ME. So i guess you think she's fat too? interesting...You're such a fucking idiot Juicipher, i am the only friend of Jenna's that actually liked you and wanted to see you guys together, but after this...you've lost any respect i had for you. I hope she breaks up with you and finds someone better, cause everyone knows she deserves better.Way to just ruin the respect and friendship of your girlfriends best friend...any guy would know that's not the way to go. girls listen to their friends A LOT. Have a happy fucking birthday.
Andy you are such an ass hole. First of all I am not a vegan...you should fucking know that if i just ordered a fucking pizza from you with CHEESE, not to mention i fucking eat meat all the damn time. Second...if you're going to be calling me fat, you might want to rethink who else reads this...Jenna and i, you know you're girlfriend who you don't even deserve, is the SAME FUCKING SIZE AS ME. So i guess you think she's fat too? interesting...You're such a fucking idiot Juicipher, i am the only friend of Jenna's that actually liked you and wanted to see you guys together, but after this...you've lost any respect i had for you. I hope she breaks up with you and finds someone better, cause everyone knows she deserves better.Way to just ruin the respect and friendship of your girlfriends best friend...any guy would know that's not the way to go. girls listen to their friends A LOT. Have a happy fucking birthday.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Vegan Hatin'
Last Tuesday at Bilbo's I got a call from Jenna. Her and her friend 'Wendy' was hungry and wanted to pick up a cheese pizza. Brittany is a confirmed vegan, witch pissed me off. Vegans just bother me, because they think they are better than meat eaters. They hold their head up high because they don't eat bacon. But why would she, she has enough on her back. I think secretly these people eat jerky in their basement.
Ironically these vegans are going to end up eaten alive by a bear during an animal rights rally. The only rights animals have is the right to be rare, medium, or well done.
Let me rephrase that. If you are a vegan, and don't eat eggs, milk, cheese, or use leather or any other products animals helped cultivate, then I stand by your decision, mainly because you didn't half ass it. The other reason is that you wont be able to survive without the help of animals, and your life expectancy- well, just don't expect life. You will die off soon, thus making less R-tards contaminating our gene pool.
Back to the story... so she is a vegan, and while I'm making this pizza, I'm damn-near pissing myself because I'm stuffing pepperoni in the pizza discretely enough not to get caught.
About 30 minutes later, I get a text message from 'Wendy' saying, 'You are such a fucking asshole. I fucking hate you.
Hey at least I didn't charge them for the pizza. Coming from a person that was gettin' fed polish sausage in Justin's hot tub last Saturday night, (read Hot Tub Hatin') I don't think you have the right to say you are a vegetarian.
Ironically these vegans are going to end up eaten alive by a bear during an animal rights rally. The only rights animals have is the right to be rare, medium, or well done.
Let me rephrase that. If you are a vegan, and don't eat eggs, milk, cheese, or use leather or any other products animals helped cultivate, then I stand by your decision, mainly because you didn't half ass it. The other reason is that you wont be able to survive without the help of animals, and your life expectancy- well, just don't expect life. You will die off soon, thus making less R-tards contaminating our gene pool.
Back to the story... so she is a vegan, and while I'm making this pizza, I'm damn-near pissing myself because I'm stuffing pepperoni in the pizza discretely enough not to get caught.
About 30 minutes later, I get a text message from 'Wendy' saying, 'You are such a fucking asshole. I fucking hate you.
Hey at least I didn't charge them for the pizza. Coming from a person that was gettin' fed polish sausage in Justin's hot tub last Saturday night, (read Hot Tub Hatin') I don't think you have the right to say you are a vegetarian.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Hallloween Hatin'
A few years ago, I was hanging out at my friend Jim’s Halloween party in Kalamazoo. Much like most late teen / early twenties party, there were a bunch of drunk douchebags and disgusting whores trying to jam their parts into each other like retards slapping their fists into their skulls.
I was definitely no exception. I met a nice respectable woman (Read: disgusting whore) and I used the Juice’s patented line, “Hi, I’m Andy, I have a 7 inch tongue and I can hold my breath for 5 minutes.”
Keep in mind, this is a Halloween party, and I’m dressed up as an urban cowboy, wearing a corduroy suit and a cowboy hat. Oddly, this did not impress her the least bit. For some reason, the simple 'no' or 'fuck you' that I have come to expect from, well, lets say 95% of the girls I try to sleep with was not an option for her.
Instead she decided to tell me that she had a boyfriend, and go into detail about how cool he was because he drove a tricked out Nissan, and made fun of me because I probably drove a Cavalier. At the time I was driving a 99 Corvette Convertible (belvie it playboy- hatin' pays off) but I wasn’t about to split hairs with this fine specimen.
This was also during a time in my life when hatin’ wasn’t a way of life, and the word ‘juice’ meant nothing more to me than a nice supplement to my breakfast.
Much like present day, I get turned down my women more times than Brandon Inge strikes out in a season, so I really paid no attention to it. Then in a twist of fate, my friends Josh, Ryan, and Jim were congregated around each other with a few other people and the whore in question.
I introduced Josh (dressed in scrubs like a doctor, a perennial favorite for him, because he works at a doctors office, and it is the ultimate ‘I don’t give a shit about my costume’) to this girl, and the following interaction occoured:
“Hey this is my friend Josh, he is a doctor… a plastic surgeon. He can fix your face for you.”
[Slight jaw drop] “Whats wrong with my face?”
“Oh….. well….. nothing, I mean if you like it that way”
That short interaction was the closest I have ever come to punching someone with hate, and it was more or less a virtual dick slap, rendering her unconscious.
Nevertheless, she cried like a little whore, like her dad just cancelled her black AMEX card. I think she developed an eating disorder too. But that wont save her from bein ugly.
Naturally, this made me happy. I am an asshole. I am Juicipher.
I was definitely no exception. I met a nice respectable woman (Read: disgusting whore) and I used the Juice’s patented line, “Hi, I’m Andy, I have a 7 inch tongue and I can hold my breath for 5 minutes.”
Keep in mind, this is a Halloween party, and I’m dressed up as an urban cowboy, wearing a corduroy suit and a cowboy hat. Oddly, this did not impress her the least bit. For some reason, the simple 'no' or 'fuck you' that I have come to expect from, well, lets say 95% of the girls I try to sleep with was not an option for her.
Instead she decided to tell me that she had a boyfriend, and go into detail about how cool he was because he drove a tricked out Nissan, and made fun of me because I probably drove a Cavalier. At the time I was driving a 99 Corvette Convertible (belvie it playboy- hatin' pays off) but I wasn’t about to split hairs with this fine specimen.
This was also during a time in my life when hatin’ wasn’t a way of life, and the word ‘juice’ meant nothing more to me than a nice supplement to my breakfast.
Much like present day, I get turned down my women more times than Brandon Inge strikes out in a season, so I really paid no attention to it. Then in a twist of fate, my friends Josh, Ryan, and Jim were congregated around each other with a few other people and the whore in question.
I introduced Josh (dressed in scrubs like a doctor, a perennial favorite for him, because he works at a doctors office, and it is the ultimate ‘I don’t give a shit about my costume’) to this girl, and the following interaction occoured:
“Hey this is my friend Josh, he is a doctor… a plastic surgeon. He can fix your face for you.”
[Slight jaw drop] “Whats wrong with my face?”
“Oh….. well….. nothing, I mean if you like it that way”
That short interaction was the closest I have ever come to punching someone with hate, and it was more or less a virtual dick slap, rendering her unconscious.
Nevertheless, she cried like a little whore, like her dad just cancelled her black AMEX card. I think she developed an eating disorder too. But that wont save her from bein ugly.
Naturally, this made me happy. I am an asshole. I am Juicipher.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Good 'Ol Fashioned Hatin'
A quickie for Friday.
On a random drinking bender at MSU, we were hanging out at Blaises’ apartment when my friend Josh mustered up the courage to talk to some random tramp in Wilson Hall. This was a special night for Josh. This night he actually decided to use his cock for something other than pissing out of it. In retaliation to a recent cock-block that he put on to me, I decided to even the score with a simple but effective hate. While he was in the hallway talking to this girl, and gaining some solid ground, I popped out of the dorm and the following interaction happened:
“Josh, you got a phone call,” while I am holding the phone out the door, pointing to it with my other hand.
Obviously annoyed, he replies, with a confused look on his face, because it was my phone that was in my hand, “Who is it?”
“It’s your girlfriend.”
At that point 3 things simultaneously happened.
His jaw dropped, and anger filled eyes
The girl ran in her room and slammed the door
I had felt totally redeemed.
In hindsight, the girl was probably a prude, and would have added another notch to the belt of girls who rant about how lives are because their dads didn’t give them enough hugs.
In the end, we all ended up getting drunker than Joseph Hazlewood at the premier of Titanic. Good times.
On a random drinking bender at MSU, we were hanging out at Blaises’ apartment when my friend Josh mustered up the courage to talk to some random tramp in Wilson Hall. This was a special night for Josh. This night he actually decided to use his cock for something other than pissing out of it. In retaliation to a recent cock-block that he put on to me, I decided to even the score with a simple but effective hate. While he was in the hallway talking to this girl, and gaining some solid ground, I popped out of the dorm and the following interaction happened:
“Josh, you got a phone call,” while I am holding the phone out the door, pointing to it with my other hand.
Obviously annoyed, he replies, with a confused look on his face, because it was my phone that was in my hand, “Who is it?”
“It’s your girlfriend.”
At that point 3 things simultaneously happened.
His jaw dropped, and anger filled eyes
The girl ran in her room and slammed the door
I had felt totally redeemed.
In hindsight, the girl was probably a prude, and would have added another notch to the belt of girls who rant about how lives are because their dads didn’t give them enough hugs.
In the end, we all ended up getting drunker than Joseph Hazlewood at the premier of Titanic. Good times.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
More or less a rant, rather a Hate
This post has been removed due to the likelyhood of me getting fired for it.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
More Cabbie Hatin'
PS... last time I was in NYC, I saw a cab driver hit and kill and seriouly injure a couple of Koreans. I'm not even kidding.
Thats pretty hatefull.
Thats pretty hatefull.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Hate Hate update
I have recently changed some of the options of the hateblog, so visitors can feel free to comment on recent hatings.
I would also like to take this opportunity to ask if you want your hate to appear on this page, please send me a message and I will submit your hate.
hate on haters.
I would also like to take this opportunity to ask if you want your hate to appear on this page, please send me a message and I will submit your hate.
hate on haters.
Country Hatin'
Last week, my good friend Mike was walking out to his garage, only to see that the neighbor’s dog ransacked his trash, thus leaving a mess of giblets and used tampons all over his driveway. Deeply enraged, he decided to avenge this neighbor for not keeping his dog in his yard.
From previous interactions with his redneck neighbor, Mike discovered that his neighbor works for a local public school, with the grounds crew. While this fact alone is nothing special, he was disturbed to see he was bringing the school’s equipment home to landscape his home. As a taxpayer of this district, he was really upset his neighbor was grossly abusing his position.
The trash in the driveway was the catalyst needed for Mike to drop the dime. The phone call to the school went a little like this:
“Hello, I was wondering when I can schedule an appointment to use the schools equipment.”
“…Um, I don’t understand, you want to use our equipment?”
“Yea, you guys have equipment to mow lawns don’t you?”
“Well yea, but we only use that for our school grounds…”
“Oh, well I’m pretty sure my neighbor is using your school equipment to mow his lawn, and I would like to know when I can use it.”
“Well, were not supposed to…”
“Well he is, so I guess if I can’t use it we need to do something about him using it…”
Yes, my friend called into the school and called him out for his abuse of the schools equipment. I’m not sure of his ultimate intention, but I would think if he gets fired from his job, he wont have any money… and if he doesn't have any money, he will have to sell his house.
Bad neighbor problem….. Solved.
From previous interactions with his redneck neighbor, Mike discovered that his neighbor works for a local public school, with the grounds crew. While this fact alone is nothing special, he was disturbed to see he was bringing the school’s equipment home to landscape his home. As a taxpayer of this district, he was really upset his neighbor was grossly abusing his position.
The trash in the driveway was the catalyst needed for Mike to drop the dime. The phone call to the school went a little like this:
“Hello, I was wondering when I can schedule an appointment to use the schools equipment.”
“…Um, I don’t understand, you want to use our equipment?”
“Yea, you guys have equipment to mow lawns don’t you?”
“Well yea, but we only use that for our school grounds…”
“Oh, well I’m pretty sure my neighbor is using your school equipment to mow his lawn, and I would like to know when I can use it.”
“Well, were not supposed to…”
“Well he is, so I guess if I can’t use it we need to do something about him using it…”
Yes, my friend called into the school and called him out for his abuse of the schools equipment. I’m not sure of his ultimate intention, but I would think if he gets fired from his job, he wont have any money… and if he doesn't have any money, he will have to sell his house.
Bad neighbor problem….. Solved.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Gypsie Cab Hatin
Not to many times have I legitimately feared my for my life. I grew up in some hick town where the biggest threat was your dog getting run over.
In a recent trip to NYC, this all changed. First off, I witnessed a Korean get killed by a cab driver, while walking out piss drunk of a McDonald's in Manhattan. The next day, I took the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) via Ronkonkoma to visit the law school I’m attending this year. When I got off the train, I needed to either take the bus or a cab to the school. As soon as I took one step onto the station, I was damn near bum rushed by some cab driver (gypsy cab driver I should say). He was either Haitian (fitting, hate hate hate) or Dominican or something.
Regardless, I got in his cab and told him the coordinates, only for him to get out of his car and run up and act like he was going to smack the shit out of this dude. He came down from on top of the dude, like he was trying to spike a volleyball, but stopped short a few inches from his face.
At first, I thought it was some type of banter between these two people who I thought at first were friends…. I thought this for about four seconds, right before the screaming started. They were in each others faces like Lou Pinella and an umpire yelling about a bad call.
So now I'm sitting in this Haitians cab, thinking this is going to be my last memory before I’m shot to death, when he runs back into his cab like his is gonna grab his gun and shoot this guy. Lucky he opted to just take me to the law school. Or so I thought.
Then he ends up pulling right next to the guy in the cab he was in and finished up verbally accosting him.
At this point I can’t shit my pants any more because there is literally nothing left in me, when he tells me the story:
Apparently, this guy gave him a ride down to Atlantic City, for $120, because the guy “Has a fucking gambling problem, man.” And through is broken Haitian Voodoo talk I gathered that somewhere in the journey, when he went to pay a toll or some garbage, he took a stack of money from him, so my gypsy cabbie left him out on the turnpike in the middle of Jersey. Oh well, at least he had $120 to pay for another cab.
Now that’s a first degree hate.
In a recent trip to NYC, this all changed. First off, I witnessed a Korean get killed by a cab driver, while walking out piss drunk of a McDonald's in Manhattan. The next day, I took the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) via Ronkonkoma to visit the law school I’m attending this year. When I got off the train, I needed to either take the bus or a cab to the school. As soon as I took one step onto the station, I was damn near bum rushed by some cab driver (gypsy cab driver I should say). He was either Haitian (fitting, hate hate hate) or Dominican or something.
Regardless, I got in his cab and told him the coordinates, only for him to get out of his car and run up and act like he was going to smack the shit out of this dude. He came down from on top of the dude, like he was trying to spike a volleyball, but stopped short a few inches from his face.
At first, I thought it was some type of banter between these two people who I thought at first were friends…. I thought this for about four seconds, right before the screaming started. They were in each others faces like Lou Pinella and an umpire yelling about a bad call.
So now I'm sitting in this Haitians cab, thinking this is going to be my last memory before I’m shot to death, when he runs back into his cab like his is gonna grab his gun and shoot this guy. Lucky he opted to just take me to the law school. Or so I thought.
Then he ends up pulling right next to the guy in the cab he was in and finished up verbally accosting him.
At this point I can’t shit my pants any more because there is literally nothing left in me, when he tells me the story:
Apparently, this guy gave him a ride down to Atlantic City, for $120, because the guy “Has a fucking gambling problem, man.” And through is broken Haitian Voodoo talk I gathered that somewhere in the journey, when he went to pay a toll or some garbage, he took a stack of money from him, so my gypsy cabbie left him out on the turnpike in the middle of Jersey. Oh well, at least he had $120 to pay for another cab.
Now that’s a first degree hate.
Big Apple Hatin'
This hate was contributed by Scott Koop this weekend.
Saturday night, in an alternate state of mind, Koop and three of his friends decided they would catch "el spidermano tres." Despite the fact the cinema was 15 blocks away, and he was assumably rollin three deep with Jews, they hailed a cab to get to the movie on time.
Shortly into the ride, the cab driver behind them decided they were just going too slow, and started mashing on the horn. This is a common occurrence in NYC, so the cab payed no mind to it, until the driver behind him thought it would be a good idea to ram him from behind ala 'Crazy Taxi' style.
And like a scene out of Falling Down, the driver get out of the car, checks the damage, and gets back in, where he pulls up about three feet, only to get out again and Chuck Norris the front of the other cab, while throwing out expletive's and racial epitents like he was trying to win the one-hundred thousand dollar pyramid. The next few minutes were reminiscent of Eminiem's rap battle during 8-mile, but made much less sense and was filled with much more swearing and unconscionable phrases like, "Dibby dibby dibby im going to give you SARS."
At the risk of getting murdered by a cabdriver (It happens, trust me) they opted out of running out on the bill, threw him $6 and got the fuck outta Gotham.
Saturday night, in an alternate state of mind, Koop and three of his friends decided they would catch "el spidermano tres." Despite the fact the cinema was 15 blocks away, and he was assumably rollin three deep with Jews, they hailed a cab to get to the movie on time.
Shortly into the ride, the cab driver behind them decided they were just going too slow, and started mashing on the horn. This is a common occurrence in NYC, so the cab payed no mind to it, until the driver behind him thought it would be a good idea to ram him from behind ala 'Crazy Taxi' style.
And like a scene out of Falling Down, the driver get out of the car, checks the damage, and gets back in, where he pulls up about three feet, only to get out again and Chuck Norris the front of the other cab, while throwing out expletive's and racial epitents like he was trying to win the one-hundred thousand dollar pyramid. The next few minutes were reminiscent of Eminiem's rap battle during 8-mile, but made much less sense and was filled with much more swearing and unconscionable phrases like, "Dibby dibby dibby im going to give you SARS."
At the risk of getting murdered by a cabdriver (It happens, trust me) they opted out of running out on the bill, threw him $6 and got the fuck outta Gotham.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Hate taken from 'AKrants'
This hate was taken from AKrants recent post:
"This is where I am coming from, bitch. The first thing I have to say is that if everyone at VT had a gun, they could have shot that slant mother fucker and been done with the whole thing. there. rant over. see you next time."
Hate hate hate.
"This is where I am coming from, bitch. The first thing I have to say is that if everyone at VT had a gun, they could have shot that slant mother fucker and been done with the whole thing. there. rant over. see you next time."
Hate hate hate.
Parking Lot Hatin'
There aren't to many things that piss me off in this world. Littering, prudes, and people who park in handicapped spots would be the three, if any that really pisses me off.
Having that been said, last night at Bilbo's, a couple came tearing up to one of three handicapped spots in thier shitty mustang convertiable. When they came in, I soon discovered thier handicap status might be more legit than I first suspected. Regardless, I advised them they would proabably need to move thier car, (might I had there was a perfectly legal spot 2o feet away) so they dont get towed, only for the two disgusting whore to speak in stereo, "We have a plate." First of all, the bitch was wearing a castro hat, witch was reason enough for me to be pissed at her. Plus her ID said she was 31, about 6 years too old for her hip huggers and the rest of her shitty outfit she bought at Wet Seal. For all I was concenred, this bitch could have had a plate in her head.
So after stewing on this for a few minutes, I came to the ultimate penance for thier ignorance-- getting pissed on. Conveniently, I already had to piss, so went out to the parking lot to survey the situation. I figured this would have to be run like a bank robbery, and I couldnt be stand out there with my cock in the wind (literally).
Moments later, I went into the bathroom with a to-go cup, and donated about 30 ounces to the cause.... good enough for a basecoat.
Also, keep in mind that this was a convertible, (unfortunetly they put the top back up) and it was old enough to have minor leaks in the back. Like a pervert in a porn shop, I ran out there and dumped it all over the back window, and door handle.
This goes out to all you who park in handicapped spots, just because you have a fucking plate and are obviously not handicapped. Being bi-polar should not allow you to park closer to the door at wal-mart to spend your social security check. If I see you in public I will piss on you.
Having that been said, last night at Bilbo's, a couple came tearing up to one of three handicapped spots in thier shitty mustang convertiable. When they came in, I soon discovered thier handicap status might be more legit than I first suspected. Regardless, I advised them they would proabably need to move thier car, (might I had there was a perfectly legal spot 2o feet away) so they dont get towed, only for the two disgusting whore to speak in stereo, "We have a plate." First of all, the bitch was wearing a castro hat, witch was reason enough for me to be pissed at her. Plus her ID said she was 31, about 6 years too old for her hip huggers and the rest of her shitty outfit she bought at Wet Seal. For all I was concenred, this bitch could have had a plate in her head.
So after stewing on this for a few minutes, I came to the ultimate penance for thier ignorance-- getting pissed on. Conveniently, I already had to piss, so went out to the parking lot to survey the situation. I figured this would have to be run like a bank robbery, and I couldnt be stand out there with my cock in the wind (literally).
Moments later, I went into the bathroom with a to-go cup, and donated about 30 ounces to the cause.... good enough for a basecoat.
Also, keep in mind that this was a convertible, (unfortunetly they put the top back up) and it was old enough to have minor leaks in the back. Like a pervert in a porn shop, I ran out there and dumped it all over the back window, and door handle.
This goes out to all you who park in handicapped spots, just because you have a fucking plate and are obviously not handicapped. Being bi-polar should not allow you to park closer to the door at wal-mart to spend your social security check. If I see you in public I will piss on you.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Daliy Dose of Hate
Sometimes, when I am in a fit of anger, I use the age old phrase, "I wish I had AIDS so I could give it to you." This hate of the day follows the same line, with a little twist.
While on a trip to spring break Warren (so we'll call him) decided to do what most college kids do at the time, drink lots of Corona's, cheat on their significant other, and get VD. Warren was definitely not an exception to this rule. After a night of binge drinking, he fell into some questionable pussy, and to say the least, he got burned- literally. Before the 'Lifetime' crowd jumps out of their bubble bath to scream 'the prick got what he deserved,' he took it one step further. When he came back to the states, he made sure to give the souvenir from Cancun (syphilis) to his girlfriend, Gina.
On top of being just hated on in the second degree (see the hate chart posted) by finding out her boyfriend is only as faithfull as his options, she gets VD as well, moving this hate to the fist degree.
This hate also qualifies Warren for hater of the year, but personally I think will show up weak at the ballots. Perhaps if he would have came back, given the VD, and then blamed her for infecting him, it would be earn the coveted HOY award.
While on a trip to spring break Warren (so we'll call him) decided to do what most college kids do at the time, drink lots of Corona's, cheat on their significant other, and get VD. Warren was definitely not an exception to this rule. After a night of binge drinking, he fell into some questionable pussy, and to say the least, he got burned- literally. Before the 'Lifetime' crowd jumps out of their bubble bath to scream 'the prick got what he deserved,' he took it one step further. When he came back to the states, he made sure to give the souvenir from Cancun (syphilis) to his girlfriend, Gina.
On top of being just hated on in the second degree (see the hate chart posted) by finding out her boyfriend is only as faithfull as his options, she gets VD as well, moving this hate to the fist degree.
This hate also qualifies Warren for hater of the year, but personally I think will show up weak at the ballots. Perhaps if he would have came back, given the VD, and then blamed her for infecting him, it would be earn the coveted HOY award.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Hate of the Day
In international hating news, the British Ministry of Defense is not allowing Prince Harry to fight in Iraq, deeming that it is an unnecessary risk to both himself and the soldiers in his unit. Most people see what this for what it really is—Brittan valuing his life more than others, mainly because he fell out of Princess Di’s vagina. Not only does the MOD get credit for an international hate, the action adversely affected both Harry and the people of Britain, making this a bilateral hate.
Welcome to Hateblog
Welcome to the hateblog, dedicated to the people out there who make it a daily goal to hate long, and hate strong. To protect the anonymity of the people referenced to, I will use different names to protect thier identity.
Fuck that, how would that be un-hateful?
Fuck that, how would that be un-hateful?
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