Thursday, May 31, 2007
Vegan Hatin'
Last Tuesday at Bilbo's I got a call from Jenna. Her and her friend 'Wendy' was hungry and wanted to pick up a cheese pizza. Brittany is a confirmed vegan, witch pissed me off. Vegans just bother me, because they think they are better than meat eaters. They hold their head up high because they don't eat bacon. But why would she, she has enough on her back. I think secretly these people eat jerky in their basement.
Ironically these vegans are going to end up eaten alive by a bear during an animal rights rally. The only rights animals have is the right to be rare, medium, or well done.
Let me rephrase that. If you are a vegan, and don't eat eggs, milk, cheese, or use leather or any other products animals helped cultivate, then I stand by your decision, mainly because you didn't half ass it. The other reason is that you wont be able to survive without the help of animals, and your life expectancy- well, just don't expect life. You will die off soon, thus making less R-tards contaminating our gene pool.
Back to the story... so she is a vegan, and while I'm making this pizza, I'm damn-near pissing myself because I'm stuffing pepperoni in the pizza discretely enough not to get caught.
About 30 minutes later, I get a text message from 'Wendy' saying, 'You are such a fucking asshole. I fucking hate you.
Hey at least I didn't charge them for the pizza. Coming from a person that was gettin' fed polish sausage in Justin's hot tub last Saturday night, (read Hot Tub Hatin') I don't think you have the right to say you are a vegetarian.
Ironically these vegans are going to end up eaten alive by a bear during an animal rights rally. The only rights animals have is the right to be rare, medium, or well done.
Let me rephrase that. If you are a vegan, and don't eat eggs, milk, cheese, or use leather or any other products animals helped cultivate, then I stand by your decision, mainly because you didn't half ass it. The other reason is that you wont be able to survive without the help of animals, and your life expectancy- well, just don't expect life. You will die off soon, thus making less R-tards contaminating our gene pool.
Back to the story... so she is a vegan, and while I'm making this pizza, I'm damn-near pissing myself because I'm stuffing pepperoni in the pizza discretely enough not to get caught.
About 30 minutes later, I get a text message from 'Wendy' saying, 'You are such a fucking asshole. I fucking hate you.
Hey at least I didn't charge them for the pizza. Coming from a person that was gettin' fed polish sausage in Justin's hot tub last Saturday night, (read Hot Tub Hatin') I don't think you have the right to say you are a vegetarian.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Hallloween Hatin'
A few years ago, I was hanging out at my friend Jim’s Halloween party in Kalamazoo. Much like most late teen / early twenties party, there were a bunch of drunk douchebags and disgusting whores trying to jam their parts into each other like retards slapping their fists into their skulls.
I was definitely no exception. I met a nice respectable woman (Read: disgusting whore) and I used the Juice’s patented line, “Hi, I’m Andy, I have a 7 inch tongue and I can hold my breath for 5 minutes.”
Keep in mind, this is a Halloween party, and I’m dressed up as an urban cowboy, wearing a corduroy suit and a cowboy hat. Oddly, this did not impress her the least bit. For some reason, the simple 'no' or 'fuck you' that I have come to expect from, well, lets say 95% of the girls I try to sleep with was not an option for her.
Instead she decided to tell me that she had a boyfriend, and go into detail about how cool he was because he drove a tricked out Nissan, and made fun of me because I probably drove a Cavalier. At the time I was driving a 99 Corvette Convertible (belvie it playboy- hatin' pays off) but I wasn’t about to split hairs with this fine specimen.
This was also during a time in my life when hatin’ wasn’t a way of life, and the word ‘juice’ meant nothing more to me than a nice supplement to my breakfast.
Much like present day, I get turned down my women more times than Brandon Inge strikes out in a season, so I really paid no attention to it. Then in a twist of fate, my friends Josh, Ryan, and Jim were congregated around each other with a few other people and the whore in question.
I introduced Josh (dressed in scrubs like a doctor, a perennial favorite for him, because he works at a doctors office, and it is the ultimate ‘I don’t give a shit about my costume’) to this girl, and the following interaction occoured:
“Hey this is my friend Josh, he is a doctor… a plastic surgeon. He can fix your face for you.”
[Slight jaw drop] “Whats wrong with my face?”
“Oh….. well….. nothing, I mean if you like it that way”
That short interaction was the closest I have ever come to punching someone with hate, and it was more or less a virtual dick slap, rendering her unconscious.
Nevertheless, she cried like a little whore, like her dad just cancelled her black AMEX card. I think she developed an eating disorder too. But that wont save her from bein ugly.
Naturally, this made me happy. I am an asshole. I am Juicipher.
I was definitely no exception. I met a nice respectable woman (Read: disgusting whore) and I used the Juice’s patented line, “Hi, I’m Andy, I have a 7 inch tongue and I can hold my breath for 5 minutes.”
Keep in mind, this is a Halloween party, and I’m dressed up as an urban cowboy, wearing a corduroy suit and a cowboy hat. Oddly, this did not impress her the least bit. For some reason, the simple 'no' or 'fuck you' that I have come to expect from, well, lets say 95% of the girls I try to sleep with was not an option for her.
Instead she decided to tell me that she had a boyfriend, and go into detail about how cool he was because he drove a tricked out Nissan, and made fun of me because I probably drove a Cavalier. At the time I was driving a 99 Corvette Convertible (belvie it playboy- hatin' pays off) but I wasn’t about to split hairs with this fine specimen.
This was also during a time in my life when hatin’ wasn’t a way of life, and the word ‘juice’ meant nothing more to me than a nice supplement to my breakfast.
Much like present day, I get turned down my women more times than Brandon Inge strikes out in a season, so I really paid no attention to it. Then in a twist of fate, my friends Josh, Ryan, and Jim were congregated around each other with a few other people and the whore in question.
I introduced Josh (dressed in scrubs like a doctor, a perennial favorite for him, because he works at a doctors office, and it is the ultimate ‘I don’t give a shit about my costume’) to this girl, and the following interaction occoured:
“Hey this is my friend Josh, he is a doctor… a plastic surgeon. He can fix your face for you.”
[Slight jaw drop] “Whats wrong with my face?”
“Oh….. well….. nothing, I mean if you like it that way”
That short interaction was the closest I have ever come to punching someone with hate, and it was more or less a virtual dick slap, rendering her unconscious.
Nevertheless, she cried like a little whore, like her dad just cancelled her black AMEX card. I think she developed an eating disorder too. But that wont save her from bein ugly.
Naturally, this made me happy. I am an asshole. I am Juicipher.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Good 'Ol Fashioned Hatin'
A quickie for Friday.
On a random drinking bender at MSU, we were hanging out at Blaises’ apartment when my friend Josh mustered up the courage to talk to some random tramp in Wilson Hall. This was a special night for Josh. This night he actually decided to use his cock for something other than pissing out of it. In retaliation to a recent cock-block that he put on to me, I decided to even the score with a simple but effective hate. While he was in the hallway talking to this girl, and gaining some solid ground, I popped out of the dorm and the following interaction happened:
“Josh, you got a phone call,” while I am holding the phone out the door, pointing to it with my other hand.
Obviously annoyed, he replies, with a confused look on his face, because it was my phone that was in my hand, “Who is it?”
“It’s your girlfriend.”
At that point 3 things simultaneously happened.
His jaw dropped, and anger filled eyes
The girl ran in her room and slammed the door
I had felt totally redeemed.
In hindsight, the girl was probably a prude, and would have added another notch to the belt of girls who rant about how lives are because their dads didn’t give them enough hugs.
In the end, we all ended up getting drunker than Joseph Hazlewood at the premier of Titanic. Good times.
On a random drinking bender at MSU, we were hanging out at Blaises’ apartment when my friend Josh mustered up the courage to talk to some random tramp in Wilson Hall. This was a special night for Josh. This night he actually decided to use his cock for something other than pissing out of it. In retaliation to a recent cock-block that he put on to me, I decided to even the score with a simple but effective hate. While he was in the hallway talking to this girl, and gaining some solid ground, I popped out of the dorm and the following interaction happened:
“Josh, you got a phone call,” while I am holding the phone out the door, pointing to it with my other hand.
Obviously annoyed, he replies, with a confused look on his face, because it was my phone that was in my hand, “Who is it?”
“It’s your girlfriend.”
At that point 3 things simultaneously happened.
His jaw dropped, and anger filled eyes
The girl ran in her room and slammed the door
I had felt totally redeemed.
In hindsight, the girl was probably a prude, and would have added another notch to the belt of girls who rant about how lives are because their dads didn’t give them enough hugs.
In the end, we all ended up getting drunker than Joseph Hazlewood at the premier of Titanic. Good times.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
More or less a rant, rather a Hate
This post has been removed due to the likelyhood of me getting fired for it.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
More Cabbie Hatin'
PS... last time I was in NYC, I saw a cab driver hit and kill and seriouly injure a couple of Koreans. I'm not even kidding.
Thats pretty hatefull.
Thats pretty hatefull.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Hate Hate update
I have recently changed some of the options of the hateblog, so visitors can feel free to comment on recent hatings.
I would also like to take this opportunity to ask if you want your hate to appear on this page, please send me a message and I will submit your hate.
hate on haters.
I would also like to take this opportunity to ask if you want your hate to appear on this page, please send me a message and I will submit your hate.
hate on haters.
Country Hatin'
Last week, my good friend Mike was walking out to his garage, only to see that the neighbor’s dog ransacked his trash, thus leaving a mess of giblets and used tampons all over his driveway. Deeply enraged, he decided to avenge this neighbor for not keeping his dog in his yard.
From previous interactions with his redneck neighbor, Mike discovered that his neighbor works for a local public school, with the grounds crew. While this fact alone is nothing special, he was disturbed to see he was bringing the school’s equipment home to landscape his home. As a taxpayer of this district, he was really upset his neighbor was grossly abusing his position.
The trash in the driveway was the catalyst needed for Mike to drop the dime. The phone call to the school went a little like this:
“Hello, I was wondering when I can schedule an appointment to use the schools equipment.”
“…Um, I don’t understand, you want to use our equipment?”
“Yea, you guys have equipment to mow lawns don’t you?”
“Well yea, but we only use that for our school grounds…”
“Oh, well I’m pretty sure my neighbor is using your school equipment to mow his lawn, and I would like to know when I can use it.”
“Well, were not supposed to…”
“Well he is, so I guess if I can’t use it we need to do something about him using it…”
Yes, my friend called into the school and called him out for his abuse of the schools equipment. I’m not sure of his ultimate intention, but I would think if he gets fired from his job, he wont have any money… and if he doesn't have any money, he will have to sell his house.
Bad neighbor problem….. Solved.
From previous interactions with his redneck neighbor, Mike discovered that his neighbor works for a local public school, with the grounds crew. While this fact alone is nothing special, he was disturbed to see he was bringing the school’s equipment home to landscape his home. As a taxpayer of this district, he was really upset his neighbor was grossly abusing his position.
The trash in the driveway was the catalyst needed for Mike to drop the dime. The phone call to the school went a little like this:
“Hello, I was wondering when I can schedule an appointment to use the schools equipment.”
“…Um, I don’t understand, you want to use our equipment?”
“Yea, you guys have equipment to mow lawns don’t you?”
“Well yea, but we only use that for our school grounds…”
“Oh, well I’m pretty sure my neighbor is using your school equipment to mow his lawn, and I would like to know when I can use it.”
“Well, were not supposed to…”
“Well he is, so I guess if I can’t use it we need to do something about him using it…”
Yes, my friend called into the school and called him out for his abuse of the schools equipment. I’m not sure of his ultimate intention, but I would think if he gets fired from his job, he wont have any money… and if he doesn't have any money, he will have to sell his house.
Bad neighbor problem….. Solved.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Gypsie Cab Hatin
Not to many times have I legitimately feared my for my life. I grew up in some hick town where the biggest threat was your dog getting run over.
In a recent trip to NYC, this all changed. First off, I witnessed a Korean get killed by a cab driver, while walking out piss drunk of a McDonald's in Manhattan. The next day, I took the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) via Ronkonkoma to visit the law school I’m attending this year. When I got off the train, I needed to either take the bus or a cab to the school. As soon as I took one step onto the station, I was damn near bum rushed by some cab driver (gypsy cab driver I should say). He was either Haitian (fitting, hate hate hate) or Dominican or something.
Regardless, I got in his cab and told him the coordinates, only for him to get out of his car and run up and act like he was going to smack the shit out of this dude. He came down from on top of the dude, like he was trying to spike a volleyball, but stopped short a few inches from his face.
At first, I thought it was some type of banter between these two people who I thought at first were friends…. I thought this for about four seconds, right before the screaming started. They were in each others faces like Lou Pinella and an umpire yelling about a bad call.
So now I'm sitting in this Haitians cab, thinking this is going to be my last memory before I’m shot to death, when he runs back into his cab like his is gonna grab his gun and shoot this guy. Lucky he opted to just take me to the law school. Or so I thought.
Then he ends up pulling right next to the guy in the cab he was in and finished up verbally accosting him.
At this point I can’t shit my pants any more because there is literally nothing left in me, when he tells me the story:
Apparently, this guy gave him a ride down to Atlantic City, for $120, because the guy “Has a fucking gambling problem, man.” And through is broken Haitian Voodoo talk I gathered that somewhere in the journey, when he went to pay a toll or some garbage, he took a stack of money from him, so my gypsy cabbie left him out on the turnpike in the middle of Jersey. Oh well, at least he had $120 to pay for another cab.
Now that’s a first degree hate.
In a recent trip to NYC, this all changed. First off, I witnessed a Korean get killed by a cab driver, while walking out piss drunk of a McDonald's in Manhattan. The next day, I took the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) via Ronkonkoma to visit the law school I’m attending this year. When I got off the train, I needed to either take the bus or a cab to the school. As soon as I took one step onto the station, I was damn near bum rushed by some cab driver (gypsy cab driver I should say). He was either Haitian (fitting, hate hate hate) or Dominican or something.
Regardless, I got in his cab and told him the coordinates, only for him to get out of his car and run up and act like he was going to smack the shit out of this dude. He came down from on top of the dude, like he was trying to spike a volleyball, but stopped short a few inches from his face.
At first, I thought it was some type of banter between these two people who I thought at first were friends…. I thought this for about four seconds, right before the screaming started. They were in each others faces like Lou Pinella and an umpire yelling about a bad call.
So now I'm sitting in this Haitians cab, thinking this is going to be my last memory before I’m shot to death, when he runs back into his cab like his is gonna grab his gun and shoot this guy. Lucky he opted to just take me to the law school. Or so I thought.
Then he ends up pulling right next to the guy in the cab he was in and finished up verbally accosting him.
At this point I can’t shit my pants any more because there is literally nothing left in me, when he tells me the story:
Apparently, this guy gave him a ride down to Atlantic City, for $120, because the guy “Has a fucking gambling problem, man.” And through is broken Haitian Voodoo talk I gathered that somewhere in the journey, when he went to pay a toll or some garbage, he took a stack of money from him, so my gypsy cabbie left him out on the turnpike in the middle of Jersey. Oh well, at least he had $120 to pay for another cab.
Now that’s a first degree hate.
Big Apple Hatin'
This hate was contributed by Scott Koop this weekend.
Saturday night, in an alternate state of mind, Koop and three of his friends decided they would catch "el spidermano tres." Despite the fact the cinema was 15 blocks away, and he was assumably rollin three deep with Jews, they hailed a cab to get to the movie on time.
Shortly into the ride, the cab driver behind them decided they were just going too slow, and started mashing on the horn. This is a common occurrence in NYC, so the cab payed no mind to it, until the driver behind him thought it would be a good idea to ram him from behind ala 'Crazy Taxi' style.
And like a scene out of Falling Down, the driver get out of the car, checks the damage, and gets back in, where he pulls up about three feet, only to get out again and Chuck Norris the front of the other cab, while throwing out expletive's and racial epitents like he was trying to win the one-hundred thousand dollar pyramid. The next few minutes were reminiscent of Eminiem's rap battle during 8-mile, but made much less sense and was filled with much more swearing and unconscionable phrases like, "Dibby dibby dibby im going to give you SARS."
At the risk of getting murdered by a cabdriver (It happens, trust me) they opted out of running out on the bill, threw him $6 and got the fuck outta Gotham.
Saturday night, in an alternate state of mind, Koop and three of his friends decided they would catch "el spidermano tres." Despite the fact the cinema was 15 blocks away, and he was assumably rollin three deep with Jews, they hailed a cab to get to the movie on time.
Shortly into the ride, the cab driver behind them decided they were just going too slow, and started mashing on the horn. This is a common occurrence in NYC, so the cab payed no mind to it, until the driver behind him thought it would be a good idea to ram him from behind ala 'Crazy Taxi' style.
And like a scene out of Falling Down, the driver get out of the car, checks the damage, and gets back in, where he pulls up about three feet, only to get out again and Chuck Norris the front of the other cab, while throwing out expletive's and racial epitents like he was trying to win the one-hundred thousand dollar pyramid. The next few minutes were reminiscent of Eminiem's rap battle during 8-mile, but made much less sense and was filled with much more swearing and unconscionable phrases like, "Dibby dibby dibby im going to give you SARS."
At the risk of getting murdered by a cabdriver (It happens, trust me) they opted out of running out on the bill, threw him $6 and got the fuck outta Gotham.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Hate taken from 'AKrants'
This hate was taken from AKrants recent post:
"This is where I am coming from, bitch. The first thing I have to say is that if everyone at VT had a gun, they could have shot that slant mother fucker and been done with the whole thing. there. rant over. see you next time."
Hate hate hate.
"This is where I am coming from, bitch. The first thing I have to say is that if everyone at VT had a gun, they could have shot that slant mother fucker and been done with the whole thing. there. rant over. see you next time."
Hate hate hate.
Parking Lot Hatin'
There aren't to many things that piss me off in this world. Littering, prudes, and people who park in handicapped spots would be the three, if any that really pisses me off.
Having that been said, last night at Bilbo's, a couple came tearing up to one of three handicapped spots in thier shitty mustang convertiable. When they came in, I soon discovered thier handicap status might be more legit than I first suspected. Regardless, I advised them they would proabably need to move thier car, (might I had there was a perfectly legal spot 2o feet away) so they dont get towed, only for the two disgusting whore to speak in stereo, "We have a plate." First of all, the bitch was wearing a castro hat, witch was reason enough for me to be pissed at her. Plus her ID said she was 31, about 6 years too old for her hip huggers and the rest of her shitty outfit she bought at Wet Seal. For all I was concenred, this bitch could have had a plate in her head.
So after stewing on this for a few minutes, I came to the ultimate penance for thier ignorance-- getting pissed on. Conveniently, I already had to piss, so went out to the parking lot to survey the situation. I figured this would have to be run like a bank robbery, and I couldnt be stand out there with my cock in the wind (literally).
Moments later, I went into the bathroom with a to-go cup, and donated about 30 ounces to the cause.... good enough for a basecoat.
Also, keep in mind that this was a convertible, (unfortunetly they put the top back up) and it was old enough to have minor leaks in the back. Like a pervert in a porn shop, I ran out there and dumped it all over the back window, and door handle.
This goes out to all you who park in handicapped spots, just because you have a fucking plate and are obviously not handicapped. Being bi-polar should not allow you to park closer to the door at wal-mart to spend your social security check. If I see you in public I will piss on you.
Having that been said, last night at Bilbo's, a couple came tearing up to one of three handicapped spots in thier shitty mustang convertiable. When they came in, I soon discovered thier handicap status might be more legit than I first suspected. Regardless, I advised them they would proabably need to move thier car, (might I had there was a perfectly legal spot 2o feet away) so they dont get towed, only for the two disgusting whore to speak in stereo, "We have a plate." First of all, the bitch was wearing a castro hat, witch was reason enough for me to be pissed at her. Plus her ID said she was 31, about 6 years too old for her hip huggers and the rest of her shitty outfit she bought at Wet Seal. For all I was concenred, this bitch could have had a plate in her head.
So after stewing on this for a few minutes, I came to the ultimate penance for thier ignorance-- getting pissed on. Conveniently, I already had to piss, so went out to the parking lot to survey the situation. I figured this would have to be run like a bank robbery, and I couldnt be stand out there with my cock in the wind (literally).
Moments later, I went into the bathroom with a to-go cup, and donated about 30 ounces to the cause.... good enough for a basecoat.
Also, keep in mind that this was a convertible, (unfortunetly they put the top back up) and it was old enough to have minor leaks in the back. Like a pervert in a porn shop, I ran out there and dumped it all over the back window, and door handle.
This goes out to all you who park in handicapped spots, just because you have a fucking plate and are obviously not handicapped. Being bi-polar should not allow you to park closer to the door at wal-mart to spend your social security check. If I see you in public I will piss on you.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Daliy Dose of Hate
Sometimes, when I am in a fit of anger, I use the age old phrase, "I wish I had AIDS so I could give it to you." This hate of the day follows the same line, with a little twist.
While on a trip to spring break Warren (so we'll call him) decided to do what most college kids do at the time, drink lots of Corona's, cheat on their significant other, and get VD. Warren was definitely not an exception to this rule. After a night of binge drinking, he fell into some questionable pussy, and to say the least, he got burned- literally. Before the 'Lifetime' crowd jumps out of their bubble bath to scream 'the prick got what he deserved,' he took it one step further. When he came back to the states, he made sure to give the souvenir from Cancun (syphilis) to his girlfriend, Gina.
On top of being just hated on in the second degree (see the hate chart posted) by finding out her boyfriend is only as faithfull as his options, she gets VD as well, moving this hate to the fist degree.
This hate also qualifies Warren for hater of the year, but personally I think will show up weak at the ballots. Perhaps if he would have came back, given the VD, and then blamed her for infecting him, it would be earn the coveted HOY award.
While on a trip to spring break Warren (so we'll call him) decided to do what most college kids do at the time, drink lots of Corona's, cheat on their significant other, and get VD. Warren was definitely not an exception to this rule. After a night of binge drinking, he fell into some questionable pussy, and to say the least, he got burned- literally. Before the 'Lifetime' crowd jumps out of their bubble bath to scream 'the prick got what he deserved,' he took it one step further. When he came back to the states, he made sure to give the souvenir from Cancun (syphilis) to his girlfriend, Gina.
On top of being just hated on in the second degree (see the hate chart posted) by finding out her boyfriend is only as faithfull as his options, she gets VD as well, moving this hate to the fist degree.
This hate also qualifies Warren for hater of the year, but personally I think will show up weak at the ballots. Perhaps if he would have came back, given the VD, and then blamed her for infecting him, it would be earn the coveted HOY award.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Hate of the Day
In international hating news, the British Ministry of Defense is not allowing Prince Harry to fight in Iraq, deeming that it is an unnecessary risk to both himself and the soldiers in his unit. Most people see what this for what it really is—Brittan valuing his life more than others, mainly because he fell out of Princess Di’s vagina. Not only does the MOD get credit for an international hate, the action adversely affected both Harry and the people of Britain, making this a bilateral hate.
Welcome to Hateblog
Welcome to the hateblog, dedicated to the people out there who make it a daily goal to hate long, and hate strong. To protect the anonymity of the people referenced to, I will use different names to protect thier identity.
Fuck that, how would that be un-hateful?
Fuck that, how would that be un-hateful?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)